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How to understand women in 20,000 easy steps.

The new yobbo messiah - March 19th 2009

"Drink as much as you can"

Thankyou Senator Steve Fielding. Yes this man who normally puts his family first has on this occasion put the good of all yobbos first by ensuring that a can of bourbon and cola will now be much much cheaper. Yes folks, now we can buy more cans, party harder and get back to some cheaper binge drinking. Obviously Steve wants his kids to have a better life as he appears to have missed out on having a good time.

 

Andrew Symonds - who can blame you - December 30th 2008

Andy Symonds

Andrew Symonds has been find 4 grand for slurring a few words on the radio with Roy and HG. What a disgrace. I mean the guy is not playing for Australia at the moment so while he sits at home and watches the games, he being a mere mortal like the rest of us has to endure hours upon of hours of VB beer and Johnny Walker whiskey commercials - not to mention the subliminal advertising of the Johnny Walker quiz. I mean after 100 overs of it, I'm fairly well pissed because Aussie sporting champs told me it was the right thing to do. Even the Bunnings ads make me wanna get hammered !

 

Anyone got holidays coming up ? - November 15th 2008

I'm too sexy for this place !

The White Cockatoo Resort in Port Douglas has announced it will hold an adults-only month of hedonism in March next year in a bid to increase dwindling tourist numbers.

The resort — once billed as the nation's top destination for swingers — is close to being booked out, according to owner Tony Fox.

But nudists, who have described the planned romp as "debauched", fear sexual predators will be enticed out of the woodwork by the "throng of naked flesh".

Mr Fox, owner of the White Cockatoo Resort, said next year's event had "nothing to do with the prudie nudies" and described their criticism as "penis envy".

"We have strict rules and guidelines - The fact that it is almost fully booked out is proof there is a desire for a product like this."

 

"My stack is better than yours" - October 28th 2008

I'm from Adelaide - I was bored !

We thought this stack was even more stupid than the dickhead who stacked the red one in May. The young man is from Adelaide so he probably did it to avoid boredom. The 250 grand 360 Modena hit the pole in a place called Walkerville, which is probably what he should have been doing !

sorry dad

"Dad, Ive stacked the Ferrari" - May 3rd 2008

completely f**d up!

This dickhead was fanging past Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne on Saturday night and wrapped his Dads $400,000 limited edition F360 Ferrari around a pole. Not an easy call to make for Daddy's little boy but shows that even a rich kid can act like a yobbo. You've gone out in style buddy !

 

"Best Party Ever" - January 14th 2008

Corey you legend

Thats what everyones sayin. Yep, when 16 year old Corey fom Narre Warren held a party while his pares went to the Gold Coast, it went off until the cops rocked up and hassled the 500 guests of whom some then proceeded to trash the street just a bit. Provacation we suppose. Asked what advice he had for other teenagers planning a home alone party, he said: "Get me to do it for you. Best party ever, that's what everyone's sayin."

 

Ute Beauty - October 6th 2007

tuf utes

Records were set at the Play on the Plains Festival and Ute Muster at Deniliquin at the weekend. Organisers were celebrating after setting their ninth consecutive world record of 6235 registered utes assembled in one place, 24 higher than last year. They also staged the World Record Blue Singlet Muster for the fourth year running and achieved another feat of 1587 Bonds blue singlets.

Chasers become legends - September 7th 2007

It was Apec security week and The Chaser boys proved that $250 million spent on security just wasn't enough. Disguised as a Canadian motorcade, they were politely waved through 2 checkpoints before giving themselves up when one of them got out of the car dressed as Bin Laden. Australia's reaction - most of us pissed ourselves laughing, but the cops must be coming to terms with complete failure.

Up yours Sydney police force !

 

A couple of spunks rool the bigtime - August 20th 2007

Last night Kath and Kim blitzed the TV ratings with a peak of 2.7 million viewers, shitting all over the poxy 60 minutes. These mega spunks have shown that people are sick of worriesome scaremungering on a Sunday night. Enough of current affairs, lets all have a giggle ! If ya wanna pickup chicks like this, be sure to check out out our tips right here.

Kath n Kim r spunks !

 

A great day for beer - July 22nd 2007

Choice magazine has used a panel of experts and a panel of yobboes to drink beer blindfolded and then rate the beer. Well well well, it seems the aussie beer came out on top. It sends a clear message - we don't want the yuppie shit ! Somehow however, I think these guys might know a bit more about beer than we do.

The top 10 tasting beers in Australia are:

1. VB
2. Toohey's New
3. XXXX Gold (best tasting warm beer too)
4. Carlton Draught
5. Carlton Mid
6. Carlton Cold
7. Toohey's Extra Dry
8. Hahn Premium Light
9. Cascade Premium Light
10. Crown Lager

A sad day for beer - July 4th 2007

Carlton & United breweries stunned the world today by announcing they would be cutting the amount of alcohol in VB by .1% - yes it will now be 4.8 instead of 4.9 - no wonder Aussies all over are turnin to yuppie imports when the bastards keep fiddlin with our bloody beer. This is not the first time, and whats more now its means i will need to buy an extra slab every 3 months just to make up the difference. Just to totally slap me in the face they're gonna put the price up 2%. How does that work ? They're gonna save millions on taxes by lowering the alcohol and then sting me more. Well they can get stuffed, cause I'm gonna find me another bloody beer. Let the taste test begin !

For a lower alcohol thirst, the weaker beer is Vic, Victoria Bitter. Matter of fact, I'm feeling sober.

 

Un-Australian Top 10 (dickheads) - January 22nd 2007

Zoo Weekly have just released their Australia Day Un-Australian top 10. And the winners are:

1. Sheikh Taj al-Din al-Hilali  for his comments comparing immoderately dressed women to meat and saying that Muslims had more right to live in Australia than those with convict ancestors because they paid to get here.

2. Germaine Greer for her anti-Steve Irwin comments following his death.

3. Paul Hogan for having "too much plastic surgery" and not admitting it.

4. Lara Bingle for encouraging Poms to come to Australia ... and failing.

5. Rio Tinto for sacking workers who looked up internet porn at work.

6. Bowls Australia for banning alcohol during tournaments - "taking sherry from the mouths of old women".

7. Guus Hiddink for deserting the Socceroos for more money in Russia.

8. Paul Dundon of Direct Health Solutions who checks that workers on sickies are genuinely sick.

9. Shane Warne for suggesting he might coach the English Cricket side.

10. Nathan Fien for lying by saying that his grandmother was born in New Zealand so he could play for their rugby league side.

 
The Birdsville Hotel

Legendary 'Birdsville Pub' for sale. - December 12th 2006

One of the most remote drinkin holes in the country is up 4 sale. On the edge of the Simpson Desert, this pub is 1600km from Brisbane and 200km from the next nearest pub ! Gee, if you were one of the 100 locals, ya'd wanna behave cause if they banned ya - it's a long way to go for a cold beer.

 

Warnie, Pidgeon, Gilly, Matty & The Langster

Dad's Army does the job. - November 28th 2006

The man whose name was once attached to the side of a pig reckons the Aussie boys are gettin too old. Yep, but big beefy Ian Botham must now be thinkin we are immortal after the first test flogging we gave those pommie bastards.

 

watermelon - secret vodka recepticleSeptember 28th 2006

'Dob in a Yobbo' - ya bloody woose !

Aussie yobboes and Balmy Army pommies will be disappointed to hear that at the ashes cricket battle at the Gabba in Queensland this year, spectators will be urged to use their mobile phones to dob in an any unruly patrons via SMS! That would have to be the most un-Australian thing ya could do! So be on the lookout for prissy little dobbers tapping away on their phone just because you keep flicking sultanas on some old granny. Whats more, they're onto us with the banning of watermelons. Me and me mates used to funnel half a bottle of vodka into a watermelon the night before a game. Did we get hammered. But don't worry, there's plenty more ways to skin a cat and we already have the boys working on a tequila sandwich and a salami that holds 375mls of scotch. Crickets just not cricket without a bunch of yobs and pretty soon it could just be a game of full (on) tossers.

 

wot a monsta

The Tasmanian Mercury March 16th 2006

'Monster' ute seized by hoon police.

GLENORCHY Police in Tasmania have seized what is believed to be the most expensive and largest vehicle confiscated under the state's tough anti-hooning legislation, but say that the car and profile of driver don't match that of the usual 'hoon' driver. The $80,000 American-built Ford F250 "monster ute" was impounded for 48 hours after off-duty police officers caught its driver hooning at Austins Ferry.

Senior Sergeant Grant Twining of Glenorchy police said the 35-year-old man driving the Ford F250 utility did a burn-out that covered an estimated 90 metres of roadway, in full view of a group of off-duty police.

Tasmania Police said today that the off-duty officers, one of whom was paying the other a visit, heard noise from the burnout and went outside to a verandah.

Police said "there in full view was this guy doing this huge burnout," apparently for family and friends.

"The driver made a full admission to police, saying he had been very 'silly'," Sgt Twining said.

He said off-duty officers had a clear and unobstructed view of the offence.

"The Ford utility was driven in such a manner as to cause both rear wheels to spin continuously, causing a large amount of smoke and noise," Sgt Twining said.

RJ Brunow fangs the old GeminiFang it !

Ipswich, Queensland. May 5th, 2005.

This yobbo claims the world record for the most doughnuts. 64 times. RJ reckons "And we'll be back to beat that". Well good on ya buddy, we'll sponser ya.

Danish bloke marries Aussie chic Mary D

Nice beer ! Yeah, so sum Danish bloke with shit loads of dignity has married an aussie chick. Good on im I reckon. The Danes are ok - they sink Tuborgs like we sink VBs. The country Denmark has such style - they even bring out a christmas beer and wack more alcohol in it ! Good sensible traditions. Ok, so now she can show the great Dane her map of Tasmania. Yep, this is when we yobbos pay respect to all Taswegians.

Now if ya no prince charmin, and ya need help pickin up chicks - then click 'ere. Otherwise Go Charlie Go !

Womens Weekly eat your heart out.

Onya chuck, go for a lond ride.

Test Drive??????

19 yr old hoodlum

This is what's left of a new VY HSV Clubsport at the Watson Holden Bundoora dealers after a 19 year old test drove it last year. He was driving it back and was going WAY too fast around the corner, up the gutter, travelled the 10 metres to the gates, mounted some cars and landed as you see.

Aussie Yobbo does masses of research down at the club to bring you the news that really counts - 'you probably heard it last' at aussieyobbo.com.

watch out or I'll drop ya !